Shadowrun Pun

Hier ein kleiner Pun für Shadowrun Fans :

At the hospital: Lone Star brings in an arrestee, both arms missing.
Says the doctor, "Hmm... must've been a pretty bad fight, huh?"
Says the officer, "No, not at all... didn't even resist, the poor fellow."
"So you found him that way?"
"No, happened during the arrest."
"What? How the hell can something like that happen when arresting someone who isn't even fighting back?"
"It was just a mistake..."
"A MISTAKE!?"
"Yeah... I told my troll partner to search and disarm the suspect..."


Kein Pun aber trotzdem lustig:

Ey Chummer, biste Inder?

Ne man, wieso?

Weil Du einen roten Punkt auf der Stirn hast.

__________________
Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Alles klar, dann mal was von mir:

Fido und Sky-Jacker (nach einem Monat Krankenhaus), wollen nicht für die Übernachtung im Hotel bezahlen . . . . schleichen hinein und treten eine Zimmertür ein, wobei sie von einem Dienstmädchen gesehen werden. Ohne ein Wort ziehen sie das Mädchen mit ins Zimmer:

Sky-Jacker zu Fido, guckt gierig aufs Mädchen: "Was machen wir denn nun mit ihr?" das Mädchen ist völlig verängstigt . . .

Fido: "hmm. Ich habs: Wir brechen ihr die Beine, damit sie nicht weglaufen kann!"

Sky-Jacker (scheint andere Pläne mit ihr zu haben...): "Das ist keine so Gute Idee. Dann schreit sie andauernd."

Fido: "Dann schneiden wir ihr eben auch noch die Zunge raus ! . . . .

__________________

In Memory of Engine...Helden vergisst man doch Legenden sterben nie!

"In Morrowind musste man den Spaß suchen, in Oblivion bekommt man ihn serviert!"

*G*

Eigentlich ne lustige Idee.

Leute schreibt Eure lustigsten Szenen Eurer Rollenspielgruppe hier rein.

__________________
Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Okay, wie du es wünscht:

Silvester 1999 - alle total betrunken (das dürfte man aber auch merken). 2 Spieler (Kulmar Antat, Krieger und so'n Mischling Kämpfer-Magier, Elf, meine Wenigkeit Fido) sowie der SL, der die Regeln noch nie ganz gelesen hatte.
SL: ... und der Bote sucht natürlich für seinen Auftrag genau einen Krieger und einen - äh - ja, so'n komischen Wichs-Elf also.

SL: ... und Kulmar Antat drückt die Blätter beiseite und ihr seht nun die Burg, euer Ziel.
Kulmar Antat: Ich drücke die Blätter beiseite?
SL: Ja. Was weiß ich, da sitzt halt noch 'ne Raupe drauf und du...
Kulmar Antat: ...da sitzt 'ne Raupe drauf?
SL: Ja.
Kulmar Antat: Ich hole mein Insekten-Vernichtungsmittel raus.
SL: Du hast kein Insekten-Vernichtungsmittel.
Kulmar Antat: *guckt auf seinen Heldenbrief, was er denn überhaupt hat* Ich schlage mit meinem Rucksack drauf.
SL: Dann würfel mal.
Kulmar Antat: *würfel*
SL: Nee, die Raupe ist ausgewischen, und zieht ihr Schwert.
Kulmar Antat: Wie denn das, die hat doch keine Hände!
SL: Doch, doch, daß ist eine mutierte Riesenraupe und die hat drei Daumen.
Fido: OK, dann nagel ich die mit einem Pfeil an den Baum! *würfel* Treffer!
SL: OK, die Raupe hat jetzt den Pfeil im Kreuz stecken und zieht sich ins Unterholz zurück.

__________________

In Memory of Engine...Helden vergisst man doch Legenden sterben nie!

"In Morrowind musste man den Spaß suchen, in Oblivion bekommt man ihn serviert!"

Ich hab hier eine Aufzeichnung einer Rollenspielrunde gefunden.

Aber seht selbst. Courtesy of AB3:

A Night At The Inn, A Day At The Racists
WARNING THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE AND IS ALSO VERY VERY POLITICALLY INCORRECT. READ AT YOU OWN PERIL. ALSO BE WARNED SPELLING AND FORMATTING ERRORS ABOUND.



Somehow I found myself back in El Disgusto's basement, Psycho Dave had decided it was his turn to try and run D&D. El Disgusto, Weasly Crusher, Cheating Bastard, Deviant Boy, Short Attention Span Larry and yours truly were the players. I was curious to see how Psycho Dave ran a game. I was sure it couldn't be as bad as Deviant Boy's dungeon where the treasure horde was a room filled with bound naked halflings and staves with Permanency and Grease spells cast on them.
How wrong I was. How wrong I was.


Psycho Dave: "Still shaking from your encounter with the Giant Shrunken Apple Head Woman and make your way to the in. The rain is cold, cold like cold rain."

El Disgusto: "I continue to ride underneath the wagon... ninja style!"

Psycho Dave: "You realise that no one even knows you're there yet."

El Disgusto: "Good."

Psycho Dave: "You do realize this is the third session of the campaign."

El Disgusto: "The ways of the the ninja are hard to understand and inscruatable."

Psycho Dave: "Fine. Roll to see if you hang on."

Me: "We need to be on guard, we still don't know who brought us here and why."

Weasly Crusher: "My fighter is ready for anything, except for creatures that drain life levels. I refuse to enter into any dungons or tombs."

Me: "Uh, you know this game is DUNGEONS and dragons."

Weasly Crusher: "I worked too damn ahrd to be second level to loose it over some damn wraith."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Hey cool! Cinemax!"

Deviant Boy: "Hey cool! Shannon Whirry!"

Me: "Are you here to game or what?"

Short Attention Span Larry: "I can do both. Just let me know when its my turn to fight the Shrunken Apple head Woman."

Psycho Dave: "After a few more hours of travel you finally find yourselves at the Inn.This is the palce where you will finally meet with your employer the mysterious wizard Shickelgruber in the morning."

Cheating Bastard: "Why is that name so familiar?"

Me: "I stop the wagon in front of the Inn."

Psycho Dave: "Roll for it."

Me: "This is getting a little out of hand now."

Psycho Dave: "Roll for it."

Me: "I need to roll to stop the damn wagon?"

Psycho Dave: "You're the one that said that you were just all of a sudden stopping the wagon. Ever heard of slowing down before you stop."

Me: "I didn't think I had to be that specific. Ok I slow the wagon down and-"

Psycho Dave: "Too late. You said it. Roll to see if you can stop the wagon without crashing, or do you want to bitch and whine some more."

(Roll)

Me: "Crap."

Psycho Dave: "OK the cart flips over. Everyone else make a save versus death. Yes you too Larry."


As you can see I soon realized that Psycho Dave ran a game in roughly the same way that Warwick Davis in the film Leprechaun granted wishes. Everything you said your characer did was scrutinized for some way to screw you over and the dice ruled all. He was the only guy I know who used a random monster encouter chart for Call of Cthulhu. you haven't lived until you've had a character go mad because he saw a nightgaunt sitting in a restroom stall reading a copy of the Necrnomicon.



(Roll)(Roll)(Wander over to the table and Roll)(Roll)(Roll and a nudge)

Cheating Bastard: "A perfect 20!"

Weasly Crusher: "I can't believe the wagon fell on my head."

Cheating Bastard: "I can't believe your eyeball popped out, what kind of crit tables are these?"

Psycho Dave: "The manly kind. I've been coddling you with those Arduin crtitcal hit tables for too damn long."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Am I bleeding to death?"

Psycho Dave: "No."

El Disgusto: "Since my ninja was under the wagon I sprint into the shadows and observe the party.

Psycho Dave: "Roll for it."

(Roll)

Short Attention Span Larry: "Am I bleeding to death?"

Me: "Uh... where is Lamont?"

El Disgusto: "My parents took him camping. Get this, the damn vet says the dog is suffering from stress. Stress! What the frig does a damn dog have to be stressed out about?"

Deviant Boy: "Well if I could lick myself I sure wouldn't-"

Me: "Why didn't you go?"

El Disgusto: "Camping? Why would I want to go camping? Nature kills! Haven't you learned anything the wilderness encoutners tables?"

Deviant Boy: "I walk into the Inn for a drink."

Me: "What about the wagon?"

Deviant Boy: "Leave it it's not like we paid for it or anything."

Psycho Dave: "So you all walk to the Inn? Make a dexterity check to see if you slip in the mud."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Am I bleeding to death?"

(Roll)(Roll)(Wander over to the table and Roll)(Roll)(Roll and a Nudge)


The Inn was a kind of medevil strip club with all the wenches wearing thongs and dog collars and that's about it. We found a table and got drinks and waited for the wizard to arrive. Some of the girls tried to offer us lap dances, those who got them had to Save versus Petrification.


Me: "I survey the room and take a drink."

Psycho Dave: "Save versus poison to see if you get drunk."

Me: "No! This is bullshit!"

Psycho Dave: "Just roll the damn dice for God's sake."

Me: "I'm a dwarf! A dwarf! There is no way that a Dwarf would get drunk on some pissant human ale."

Psycho Dave: "Hmmmm. I see your point."

Short Attention Span Larry: "What have you got to drink here?"

El Disgusto: "Nothing."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Didn't your parents leave you any food?"

El Disgusto: "They left me some cash for groceries but I decided it was better spent on Warhammer minis."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Ok I'll get a glass of water."

El Disgusto: "The HELL you will. If you dirty any of those glasses I will have to wash them and I am not going there. Drink from the tap or not at all."

Weasly Crusher: "I look for someone to pick on."

Cheating Bastard: "I help him."

Psycho Dave: "Make detect traps roll."

Deviant Boy: "I buy one of the wenches for the night."

Psycho Dave: "Make a Charisma check.... oh and Ab3 roll a d20."

(roll)(roll)

Psycho Dave: "Ok you find a companion for the night and Ab3, you failed your Save versus poison and get stinking drunk."

__________________
Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Being drunk in a game like this is not a good thing, the GM 'simulated' drunken behavior by letting each of the other players dictate what your character did for five minutes. So as my dwarf sang show tunes while dangling from a chandelier with a half-full spitoon on his head. The night at the Inn rolled on.


Me: "You know it's like midnight now, maybe we should just fast forward ahead to the morning so we can meet the wizard."

El Disgusto: "Oooo! Oooo! His dwarf is all drunk and now he's whining!"

Me: "I am not whining and hey at least my character is involved with the party."

El Disgusto: "You're just pissed because you're not a ninja. How are things looking on the roof anyway?"

Psyho Dave: "It's still raining."

Deviant Boy: "Hey I'm taking that saloon whore John Norman style."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Who?"

Deviant Boy: "John Norman... wrote the Gor novels... they taught me everything I needed to know about women."

Me: "So how is that whole restraining order thing working out anyway?"

Deviant Boy: "I'm done with her. I think this girl from the movie theater is hot for me though. There's soemthing about the way she says to me 'Want Butter Flavoring'?"

Weasly Crusher: "What about me? When do I get my barfight?"

Psycho Dave: "Well you do see this scrawny nervous looking kid at the bar."

Weasly Crusher: "I walk up to the kid and give him a shove."

Cheating Bastard: "I follow him."

Psycho Dave: "The kid is at the bar nusing a Shirley Temple."

Me: "I don't think that a medieval tavern would serve Shirley Temples."

Psycho Dave: "Fine. He is drinking an Ye Ole Shirley Temple."

Weasly Crusher: "I shove him."

Psycho Dave: "Roll to hit."

(roll)

Cheating Bastard: "I tell the kid- 'He doesn't like you.'."

Psycho Dave: "The kid cringes and says 'I'm sorry.'."

Weasly Crusher: "I shove him again!"

Cheating Bastard: "I say 'I don't like you either. You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence in twelve kingdoms...'"


I knew where this was going, I think Weasly Crusher was the only one who didn't realize. The only thing really surprizing about the whole thing was that thanks to Psycho Dave's homebrewed Crits and Fumbles tables his Samurai somehow managed to behead himself. Eventually my character regained some degree of sobriety and retreated to his room to wait for the morning and the dread wizard Shickelgruber but the night at the Inn had no end in sight.


Psycho Dave: "You fail your roll and slip in a puddle of blood. Roll a d6 tsee how many teeth are knocked out."

Cheating Bastard: "I challenge the damn Viking to an arm wrestling match!"

Wesly Crusher: "They say your head can live a little while detached from your body, I try to call on my god."

Deviant Boy: "I'm still doing the saloon whore!"

Me: "I would think you'd be sleeping by now."

Deviant Boy: "My character is like me, he can do it for two three hours before he finishes. Women love that."

Me: "Really?"

Deviant Boy: "Especially canadian women."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Is it ok if I look through your comics?"

El Disgusto: "Is it Ok if I beat you with the Stick of Pain? My ninja breaks into their rooms and snoops around."

Psycho Dave: "Roll for it."

(roll)

Me: "Why can't you just meet up with the damn party and not do all this weird stuff?"

El Disgusto: "He's a ninja! I'm ROLE-PLAYING!"

Cheating Bastard: "I head up to my room. I want to get that Ressurection Sroll out of my Bag of Holding."

Weasly Crusher: "Geez how many magic items does your character have?"

Cheating Bastard: "Ninety-six."


How did he end up with 96 magic items? Allow me to explain. The way they set up high level D&D games in my neck of the woods was to have you roll up your character and then roll once on the treasure tables for each level they needed your character to start at. Psycho Dave had planned his campaign for 12th level characters and above, so Cheating Bastard's character was a 12th level Wizard-Cleric-Fighter-Thief-Illusionist-Druid-Ranger-Bard with limited Psionic abilities. His explanation, really lucky die rolls had allowed his magic user to get ahold of a Wish Ring with the maximum wishes. The Wishes had prolonged his life and allowed him to pursue multiple career paths so that now he had a small magic arsenal stored in a spelljammer craft that he had held in a bag of holding.
A good thirty minutes of game time was eaten up by this long drawn out explantion of the origin of the 12th Level Everything man. I suggested that we all have our characters go to sleep so we can meet with our employer the morning but no one else seemed to be interested. Deviant Boy kept going into lurid detail about his escapaded with his girl for the night. Weasly Crusher kept whining about his head. Short Attention Span Larry kept quiet, no surprise since he was busy trying to play the game, watch Star Trek and read a Gor novel. El Disgusto continued to break into our chracter's rooms and pilfer our things, until he crossed paths with Cheating Bastard's bag of holding. Cheating Bastard kept his familiar in the bag as a kind of guard dog. So the stealthy ninja ended up having his ass handed to him by a Quasit permanently polymorphed into Rush Limbaugh.
I didn't undstand that last bit either but I couldn't bring myself to ask.


El Disgusto: "Untie me! The other ninjas know I'm here!"

Cheating Bastard: "Once he's tied down face first on the bed I check and see how the fireplace pokers are heating up."

Psycho Dave: "Roll a d20."

(roll nudge)

Cheating Bastard: "I'm so awsome, another natural twenty!"

Psycho Dave: "The pokers are white hot."

El Disgusto: "You can't do this to me! I'm a ninja!"

Cheating Bastard: "I get the hottest, shapest looking poker and approach the bed."

Me: "Why are we doing this?"

Cheating Bastard: "I'm teaching him a valuable lesson."

El Disgusto: "My character flexes every muscle in my body at once!"

Psycho Dave: "Why?"

El Disgusto: "To weaken the ropes! What are you stupid?"

Cheating Bastard: "My character presses the end of the hot poker against the ninja's butcheeks."

El Disgusto: "You'll pay for this! You'll all pay for this! Hastur! Hastur! Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!Hastur!"


I for one never thought I would be glad to see the arrival of a member of the Cthulhu Mythos. hastur showed upand stomped on the Inn killing everyone. I don't ever recall being so happy but sadly in a game like this death is fleeting, only trauma and humilation endure.
The party found themselves resurrected in the crater where the Inn had been. A figure in brown and black robes stared at us. After some perliminary insults he led us through a strange looking portal.


Psycho Dave: "The Wizard Shickelgruber leads you through a portal and you find yourself on a wasted landscape. Tall dark chimneys belch ashes into the sky. The air is filled with the stench of burning flesh."

Cheating Bastard: "You sure we're not smelling the ninja's ass?"

El Disgusto (Waving the Stick of Pain): "Don't make me use this!"

Psycho Dave: "All around you strange deviecs and men in dark uniforms are walking around doing stuff. The wizard explains that he needs your help to get the Wand of Orcus."

Weasly Crusher: "Why?"

Psycho Dave: "To explain the wizard leads you through a metal gate with the words WORK LIBERATES engraved into it. He takes you to this huge pit filled with emaciated bodies. he explains to you that he needs to use the Wand to turn these bodies into undead so he can beat back the armies invading his land."

Me (My high school education kicked in right about then): "Wait just a goddamn minute here-"

Psycho Dave: "The wizard pulls back his cloak revealing his piercing blue eyes and small dark moustache."

Me: "We're in a concentration camp? So we can help Hitler win the war?"

Deviant Boy: "What's he paying us?"

Psycho Dave: "Gold teeth."

Me: "You're kidding right? You can't be serious."

Cheating Bastard: "This is cool, kind of a 'Shindler's Lich'"

Me: "This is unbelievable! I wasted six hours of my life for this?"

Psycho Dave: "Yes it is unbelievable but we're here to play a game not debate the so-called Holocaust."

Weasly Crusher: "How many gold teeth does it take to make a gold piece anyway?"


Very calmly and quietly I began to pack up my papers and dice. I promised myself I was just going to leave, not make another scene. I didn't know if I'd ever game again, I was pretty sure I had hit rock bottom. It didn't feel like I had expected.


Short Attention Span Larry: "Hey you big liar! I thought you didn't have anything but water. Look at all these bottles of Mountain Dew you have stowed under the stairs."

El Disgusto: "Stay away from those!"

Short Attention Span Larry: "What's the big deal, I just want a glass or two. Heck I'm so thirsty I'll give you a buck for the whole damn bottle."

El Disgusto: "No! You don't understand! That's not Mountain Dew."

Short Attention Span Larry (Pausing in unscrewing the cap on one of the bottles): "Huh?"

El Disgusto: "It's- it's urine."

Me: "That's funny I thought you said urine."

El Disgusto: "It is urine, I don't like to go upstairs to the bathroom when I'm watching TV so I go in the bottles and throw them away later."


Being a wannabe horror writer I often describe people having skin-crawling sensations, I had never truly experienced it until that very moment. I looked around the room, realizing now that there half-full bottles stashed everywhere. Some were crusted with age and other substances.
This I realized was rock bottom.



Me: "When do you throw these bottles away?"

El Disgusto: "I'll get around to it sometime."

Me: "I need to go home now. I need to go take a shower."

Psycho Dave: "What about the game?"

Me: "I trip and fall on my sword-"

Psycho Dave: "Roll for it."

Me: "I fall on my sword again and again- UNTIL THE HURTING
STOPS!!!"


And then I went home and never, ever played D&D again and I certainly never drank another bottle of Mountain Dew.

__________________
Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Von der gleichen Gruppe gibts noch mehr:

The day I killed the entire party before the first combat encounter...
THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE. ONLY THE NAMES HAVE HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT ME FROM A SAVAGE BEATING WITH THE STICK OF PAIN.

It was the end of the 1980's, for some reason the group of players in my area had established a strange attaction to Avalon Hill's catch all rpg LORDS OF CREATION. The players had coaxed me into playing it once before but the session had been disturbing. The players had played character's based on themselves. When that game began one of the players, we will call him 'Psycho Dave', started out the campaign by having his character kill his parents.

Things went downhill from there.

So months later we are all there in the basement of another of our players, whom I will refer to as El Disgusto, and I have been talked into trying to run Lords of Creation again. there are five players- Psycho Dave, El Disgusto, Deviant Boy, The Amazing Boozehound and Weasly Crusher.

I already have a great idea for a campaign, about our reality being attacked by another alien reality. You may think I am ripping off TORG but this was years before TORG. I was ripping off the Dr. Who episode HORNS OF NIMON.

I explained to the players that they were to make ordinary modern people and they campain would detail their attemtps to survive in this strange new world. Kind of a RED DAWN meets GAMMA WORLD.

So character creation begins and it goes something like this-

El Disgusto: "I want to make a ninja!"

Me: "Well you could be a master martial artist but I'm not sure if a ninja is exactly..."

El Disgusto: "A ninja! I want to play a ninja! What kind of a game is this where you can't pick what you want?"

Me: "Ok you can play a ninja."

Deviant Boy: "I'm going to play a stripper."

Me: "Ok then."

Weasly Crusher: "And I'm his character's cousin. She's a stripper too."

Me: "Great... just roll up those stats then."

Psycho Dave: "I'm going to play a former Navy Seal. He has medals of honor and no one knows that in his spare time he kills hippies and midgets."

Me: "That's very interesting, and he has the same name as you too. Great."

The Amazing Boozehound: "I'm playing a dwarf fighter... hic!"

Me: "No. No, see this is set in the modern era. There are no Dwarven fighters."

The Amazing Boozehound: "Oh."

Me: "So what was your second choice?"

The Amazing Boozehound: "What?"

Me: "For a character?"

The Amazing Boozehound: "Oh... lemmie think."

Deviant Boy: "My character and her cousin are having an affair."

Me: "Wh-what?"

Deviant Boy: "We're lesbian strippers."

Weasly Crusher: "We're in love."

Me: "I- I-"

The Amazing Boozehound: "Can I play a midget?"

Psycho Dave: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Me: "Maybe you could play a ninja?"

The Amazing Boozehound: "Eh... I'll just play a guy who's like a cop or somethin'."

Me: "Ok roll it up."

Psycho Dave: "You know human blood looks black in the moonlight..."

Weasly Crusher: "My character and her cousin have matching toe rings."

Me: "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE JUST ROLL UP YOUR CHARACTERS!!!!!"

Eventually they created their characters, so I began to set the scene. Well I tried to set the scene but see El Disgusto's parents had left town and he had one reponsibility... to feed and walk his parent's decrepit dog Lamont. Of course El Disgusto had done neither in days so the dog would frequently pad up to the top of basement steps and howl mournfully.

Anyway, once El Disgusto had gotten done beating his parent's dog into silence we began to play. I set the scene describing a world where strange spider like creatures had enslaved humanity and how the players had all just escaped from one of the slave labor camps.

The first problem errupted-

Psycho Dave: "What? What?' We don't have our stuff?"

Me: "We never went over equipment lists because I thought-"

El Disgusto: "Dude, my ninja has to have a mororcycle."

Me: "I explained the alien spiders-"

Deviant Boy: "Our toe rings? They took our toe rings?"

Me: "-they have reduced the hujman race to a state of slavery. All our technology."

Psycho Dave: "No way would they take my guns knives and explosives!"

El Disgusto: "And my motorcycle... who could steal a ninja's motorcycle? My guy would fight to the death for his motorcycle. Nice goiing dickweed."

Weasly Crusher: "Couldn't we have hidden our toe rings inside ourselves?"

Deviant Boy: "Good roleplaying!"

The Amazing Boozehound: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Me: "I don't really think you are giving this a chance."

El Disgusto: "Shut up Lamont! I said SHUT UP!"

The arguments and dog beatings took up another hour or so of my life but finally I said that I would 'retool' my ideas.

Me: "Ok remake your characters as naval officers. You will be playing the crew of a nuclear submarine ordered to hide at the bottom of the sea when the invasion began. You will be the team sent to investigate the surface, you will be fully equiped with weapons and other stuff. "

Psycho Dave: "Much better. Is there a chance that I killed the submarine captain and took over?"

Me: "No."

El Disgusto: "Ok I am a naval officer but I am also secretly a spy for the ninjas."

Me: "Seeing as how all of the civilized world has fallen to the alien spiders I don't think that matters much."

El Disgusto: "On no those aliens only THINK they got the ninjas."

Me: "Fine whatever."

Deviant Boy: "My character is a tough as nails commando... but she's really hot."

Weasly Crusher: "I'm her cousin and we're lesbians."

Deviant Boy: "We're in love."

Weasly Crusher: "We share a bunk."

Me: "Please... save it for the game."

El Disgusto: "Shut up Lamont! Don't make me get the stick of pain!"

The Amazing Boozehound: "Wh- why is my cop on a submarine?"

Me: "You're playing a navy MP... don't you remember?"

The Amazing Boozehound: "Oh ok."

Me: "Anyway. The captain of the submarine is worried because he hasn't heard from Washington in six months. He calls you in the middle of the night to his office-"

Deviant Boy: "Since it's the middle of the night my chracter shows up wearing a flimsy teddy."

Weasly Crusher: "Ohhh me too."

Me: "The captain says-"

El Disgusto: "Shouldn't the captain roll to see if he notices me? I am a ninja after all. I-- Stick of Pain Lamont! Stick of Pain!"

Me: "The captain orders you to the go ashore and find out what has been happening."

The Amazing Boozehound: "I say- Dammnit Captain! I'm a good cop!"

Me: "He wants you to go ashore immediately."

Psycho Dave: "I say we fire our nukes."

Me: "Immediately!"

The next hour of the game was taken up with the crew listing the many types of guns, knives, rocket launchers and butt plugs their characters would bring. Sometime during the discussion Lamont, desperate for food and suffering for what would turn out to be terminal dysentery tried to walk down the basement steps only to collapse into a quivering furry heap atop an orange crate of freshly painted minis. El Disgusto howled with rage and went to town with the stick of pain until Lamont hid behind the furnace.

Finally we got back to the game:

Me: "Ok you've got your raft as full of equipment as it can be and you're-"

El Disgusto: "Wait... what about my motorcycle?"

Me: "What?"

El Disgusto: "My character wants to bring his motorcycle."

Me: "Look your character spent the last six months on a submarine."

El Disgusto: "Then so did his motorcycle."

Me: "How in the name of all that is holy could you get anyone to agree to bring a motorcycle onto a submarine?"

El Disgusto: "What are you asking me for? You're the one running this crappy game!"

Me: "Ok then. As you all are standing there an Ensign Bruno says 'Don't forget this!' And rolls a motorcycle off the deck onto the rubber raft. The weight collapses the raft and you are all tangled up in it and the motorcycle. You are dragged down beneath the surface of the ocean and drown. End of game."

To punctuate this I took the Lords of Creaton rulebook and threw it against the wall. Harsh words were exchanged on all sides. Who knows we might have even come to blows if not for Lamont staggering out from behind the furnace and spraying stream of doggie diarrhea over couch that had everyone's coats draped across it.

In the pandemonium that followed I made my way home. I can always get another coat.

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Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Hallo!
Hast dir ja richtig Mühe gegeben, wirklich super Geschichte. Aber in solch einer Runde möchte ich niemal mitspielen, ich hoffe du has dich davon nicht zu sehr inspirienen lassen und machst es heute Abend nicht genau so .
Gruß Corum

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“Orlanth Lightbringer led the Seven,
Rescued all life, all earth lauds his name.”

Oh, die sind nicht von mir. Das sind Tatsachenberichte eines Spielers aus einem U.S. Forum.

Ich hab sie mal rauskopiert um Euch zu zeigen, was es für merkwürdige Gesellen gibt

Auch ich möchte niemals in so einer Gruppe mitspielen. Dort wird ja das Spielen zur reinsten Qual.

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Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Hallo!

War mir schon klar das du dir das nicht ausgedacht hast, hattes du ja auch oben geschrieben . Das mit dem Mühegeben bezog sich auch ehr auf deinen eifrigen Einsatz und solche Spielerunden zu präsentieren .

Mal was zu Qualen beim Rollenspiel :

Die schlimmste Qual die ich mal als Spielleiter über mich ergehen lassen mußte war eine 8 köpfige AD&D Runde. Hilfe, das war das reinste Chaos, es hat nacher keinen Spaß mehr gemacht, jeder hat dazwischen geredet, man konnte sich nicht richtig mit den einzelnen Spielern beschäftigen und wenn man es mal tat waren die anderen sauer das sie zu kurz kamen. Seitdem leite ich nurnoch kleine Gruppen mit max fünf Leute, es ist einfach übersichtlicher und die Spieler können sich auch mehr ins Spiel einbringen.

Gruß Corum

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“Orlanth Lightbringer led the Seven,
Rescued all life, all earth lauds his name.”

Da gebe ich Dir völlig recht. Man spielt immerhin Rollenspiele um seine Rolle halt auszuspielen. Der Spieler möchte halt für eine gewisse Zeit im Rampenlicht stehen und dies ist mit einer zu großen Anzahl von Spielern nur selten möglich. Man ist als SL auch gezwungen diese "Spotlight-Time" drastisch zu kürzen, da ja sonst kein Weiterkommen des Abenteuers erfolgen kann. Aber sobald das die Spieler mitkriegen nehmen sie sich eigenmächtig diese Zeit und so hat man dann genau die Situation die man vermeiden wollte.

Ich finde 6 Spieler sind absolutes Maximum.

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Nur reden will ich Dolche, keine brauchen!

Wer seine Ansichten mit anderen Waffen als denen des Geistes verteidigt, von dem muß ich annehmen, daß ihm die Waffen des Geistes ausgegangen sind (v. Bismarck)

Man kann sogar richtig gut zu zweit spielen, wenn zum Beispiel jeder Char ordentlich spezialisiert und fähig ist. Dann kann man richtig coole Pläne machen. 3 - 4 Spieler ist auch noch gut durchführbar, da kann man wirklich ordentlich rollenspielen. 5 wird schon hart und danach

Lass dich halt im IRC mal sehen, Punisher, wir spielen gerade Call of Cthulhu

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In Memory of Engine...Helden vergisst man doch Legenden sterben nie!

"In Morrowind musste man den Spaß suchen, in Oblivion bekommt man ihn serviert!"

Jo bin da, was soll ich jetzt machen?